Hey Roz
Have you seen the new Auditor? He’s been here, lurking about, breathing down our necks
and mumbling into a Dictaphone, but without a word to us. Bit odd.
Do you reckon the evil overlords at HQ are planning to give some of us the chop?
PS: There’s a new drinks machine on the 4th floor – Yay! About time!

Hey Sam.
Hallelujah! And yep, I saw him muttering at it in some foreign language.
Have you SEEN his coloured contact lenses? What a poser!
And the DANDELION-YELLOW FINGERTIPS ? Ew, ew, ew – naaaasty. (#that-much-nicotine-really?)

Aww, he’s probably harmless. And we all have our reasons for our vices.
If mine left traces on my skin, I’d be head-to-toe Dorito-coloured! LOL
Let’s ask him 2 join us 4 coffee break? C’monnnn….
— S

NO WAY – I prefer my Cappuccino WITHOUT a garnish of eavesdropping weirdo, thanks.
Speaking of coffee – that machine hasn’t worked since it arrived!
— R

Sounds like *you* – kidding! I know what you mean, though – I think he’s been listening in to my calls too.
BUT I did see him pick up all of the courier’s dropped parcels earlier and fix the hand drier in the gents
AND even water the dying plants …bless! I showed him how to high five, and he actually smiled back!
Be nice — maybe he’s just shy and doesn’t get out much?
Now I’m off to thump the drinks machine until it gives me hot chocolate.
— S

______________________

From: Audit Officer 5688A

Final audit of randomly selected subjects now complete.
Contrary to initial reconnaissance and reports, evidence of benevolence has been found. Recommend suspension of Malevolent Species Termination Order.
== Urgent request === Inter-dimensional transport pod in need of immediate repair – critical damage sustained to outer hull by indigenous life-forms believing it to be a beverage dispenser.

… [[ SEND ]]